June 2, 2004 Alex

It's getting harder now because we know that the day after tomorrow we are going to have to leave Alex here and fly home to wait for our court date. Everyday we come to visit and he just smiles and reaches for us. We still can't believe that you could fall so hard and so fast. I don't know that I'm going to be able to leave him here. Michael is trying to be strong for me but he's feeling it too. We are just enjoying every precious minute that we have with him and trying our best to leave him knowing that we love him with all of our heart and that we'll be back soon to bring him home with us. He's to little to understand and right now he just sees us as fun people who come and play with him everyday. I wonder if he'll miss us?

The workers let me feed him today which was quite the experience. When you walk into the orpanage it smells like a school lunchroom. Which is odd since all of the children here are under 2 years old. Alex's meal consisted of boiled potatoes and shredded meat of some sort in a broth. He was fed with a table spoon. Yes you read that right. A table spoon. They would put a hand on his forehead and tilt his head back so that the food just slid down. When I tried of course I was giving him smaller bites and I wasn't doing it fast enough to suit the workers so they "fired" me. LOL They fed him and got the meal over with in record time. The little bitty babies were fed from glass milk bottles with nipples on them that had the tips cut with large openings so the stuff in them came out as fas as possible. I say stuff because I can assure you it wasn't milk.

After his lunch it was naptime and they sent us away until later in the afternoon. It's getting harder and harder to enjoy the siteseeing since we know that with each passing hour we are getting closer to having to leave. We are trying our best to make the best of our time because when we come back for the finalization it will be all "business". No time for much else and I don't anticipate us coming back for a vacation once we take Alex away from here.

Tomorrow will be the last day that we get to see him before flying back to Moscow and we'll only get to see him in the morning since our flight leaves out at 1:00. My heart is breaking...................